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You have now been dubbed – or vice versa – good enough to be with. Making it all the way to official status in our day and age is impressive – well done.

Unfortunately, you’re not good enough to be with right now. You can now throw on the romance and allow yourself to finally have feelings for the individual.

One of you is going to get hurt after this process…

but you may have skipped it entirely and moved on to stage 8.

You managed to black out sometime in the middle of it all and can’t figure out whether the person was the best or worst sex of your life. You have officially dubbed him/her, or have been dubbed, worthy of sexual pursuit. In this stage, it isn’t recommended that you refrain from calling the person or see him/her without drinking heavily or taking drugs – it may be awkward.

This isn’t so much a stage as it is the platform holding all these stages.

You put in the time and effort, your liver has certainly paid for it and it is now time to finally get to know the person you’ve been having sex with all this time. Keep all the lovey-dovey romance stuff to yourself and, whatever you do, do not look him/her in the eyes when in the midst of coitus.

Talking is recommended, but beware of throwing any romance into the mix. When you’re done, finish with a firm handshake or a high five.

You won’t be sure if the person cares about you or is only using you for amusement. Or maybe you’ll get to run through these stages for the rest of your life.

The theory is that, with time, you’ll either find someone who won’t take you down this road.

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