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Legally, you aren’t his wife, so right there the law and some hospitals limit your visitation rights and access to vital information from the word go. If there is an uncomfortable truce, or a pretty thick wall of silence between you and your partner’s wife, I think this could prove a difficult situation. Being public about your poly status will greatly impact this situation, now and going forward.

Don’t be afraid to just walk out if they respond badly.... Since most poly people are unique in their own way (we’re all unique snowflakes), I try not to make any assumptions of what their particular experiences of being poly are.... ● Ask Jennvicious is new anarchist advice column, "Life coaching and social etiquette for radical subcultures." She occasionally takes poly questions: YOU WARN ABOUT THE DIFFICULTY OF OPENING UP A RELATIONSHIP THAT HAS BEEN MONOGAMOUS.A: You’ll have to talk to her in a very patient, gentle, loving, and supportive way.While there are some people who practice polyamory with the agreement that you can have a say in who your partner dates, I won’t be endorsing that....Don’t take this too personally: your aim is for them to hear and accept your choices. How To Support Yourself And Stay Safe I’ve been recommending that you bend the truth and omit facts quite significantly, and occasionally that you lie. I’m now going to say a bunch of what will sound like pretty scary stuff.... Having your established partner there with you can really help keep things calm.I know doing this just isn’t an option for many people. Your relationship with them may change irreparably. Are you dependent on them in any way, for example, financially? They might take it so badly that you won’t want to engage with them again. Have a bag ready near the door in case things go badly and you need to leave.

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